Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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