there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
