You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
