I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
