And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
