He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
