meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize