My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
