sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
