Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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