I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
