i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I just put wine in my tea
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize