he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize