I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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