To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
