Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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