I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
