You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
