she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
