im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
