spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
