um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
