You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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