I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
