I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
