I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
