I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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