he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
