If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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