My balls are so social today.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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