I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
