Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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