Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
