i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
