My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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