Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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