I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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