allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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