Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
