She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
