whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize