Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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