"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize