So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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