Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
