I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
