oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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