You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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