Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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