He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
