Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
