I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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