We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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