Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
