How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
