dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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