And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
