he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
