apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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