so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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