and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
