This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
