remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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