he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
