Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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