In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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