I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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