Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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