Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
