Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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