I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
