Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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