Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
