Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
