My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize