they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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