John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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