if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
