i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
