I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
