Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
