oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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