Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
