So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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