you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
