i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
