Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
