Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
