Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
