Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize