Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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