Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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