I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize