Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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