Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
