just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
