I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
