then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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