He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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