Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pants are for mortals
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
