all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
