Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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